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Coming Out….

22 Apr

So, it’s been ages since my last post. What’s the big deal??

I’ll get to that..

What’s this blog about, really??

Well, I first started MySparx in January last year. Why?? Well, I had been reading recipe blogs for about 6 months, like every day. Without fail…. I guess I wanted to be a part of the community, maybe even make my own recipe blog. But a lot has happened since then, I have learned a lot about myself and am always learning more every day.

When this first started, I was in a pretty bad place. Mentally. Physically. This is going to be quite hard to write, and is a sensitive issue, so if you’d rather not read, stop here. Sorry in advance if it sounds like a therapy session….

I had a very bad relationship with food, which started when I was about 14 and used to read my Mum’s magazines with models on the front. They always look so perfect and healthy. Right?? Well around that time, I was in school and found Pat. I had a small crush on him that led to a bigger crush.. and a very huge crush soon after!! I’d try to hang around with him and get his attention. Sounds quite sad now :/ …. Anyways, after a while we started hanging out in the playground a bit. We would laugh and talk for a while, and we soon started to really get on well. I hadn’t realised that he liked me, too. When I found out, we would text for hours on end, sometimes into the next morning on school days!!

I wanted to impress him and show him that I was good for him, that I could be beautiful. So, with the magazines and finding out about diets and weight loss, I started to lose weight, myself. I stopped eating breakfast, wouldn’t eat at school because I was very anxious, picked at meals at dinner time and would generally just try to follow the “rules of dieting” that I saw in the glossy magazines.. Which basically just said to eat less and less..

This went on for a while, I didn’t even realise that I was losing so much weight 😦 but had people asking me about it a few times, which felt ..good, in a strange way…. I think that I wanted the attention at first, but my anxiety problem was getting worse and after a year or so I got incredibly paranoid, which led to losing a lot of friends. I didn’t know how to be anymore, didn’t feel anything…. I would go out for walks because I felt trapped inside the house, but didn’t really have friends to go out and meet. So I’d just walk. For miles. Often I would end up at my Dad’s house, talk to him if he was home, or continue walking to his workplace, hoping that he’d be there ((he’s a lorry driver)).

People started to ask me what was wrong after a while, but I didn’t know what they were talking about, felt fine, just ..anxious. But anxiety had just become a normal part of my life, I didn’t know other feelings, really :/ .

Pat and I got together in January 2008, the second-to-last year of school. We have been together since then, which is now over 5 years!! People are always shocked when they hear that 🙂 which feels awesome. He has been with me through so much and I can never thank him enough. Pat has supported me through it all. He has been so patient, understanding and caring through everything. I love you, Pat, so much. Thank you for everything.

With Pat

Now this blog is about anything and everything. It doesn’t have to be a recipe or about food, about crafts or photography. So, now I’m going to write about anything I want to. There will be recipes, there will be photography, and there will be StitchUps.

I have been learning more about the low fat raw vegan lifestyle, been reading and watching YouTube videos for tips and stories, and even started another blog, specifically for the lifestyle!! Interested?? Check it out here 🙂

See you soon!!

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2 Comments

Posted by on April 22, 2013 in Serious Stuff

 

Tags: ,

2 responses to “Coming Out….

  1. Pat

    April 22, 2013 at 16:29

    Great post jade, really amazing. Keep on blogging!! I love you. Xx

     
    • JadeSparX

      April 22, 2013 at 20:12

      Thank you Pat 🙂 I love you. X

       

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